Grief is so complex.
It affects everyone so differently.
Some people internalize it.
Some people cry.
Some people lash out.
Some people are numb.
No matter how you handle it, no one is immune. Everyone experiences grief, in some way, multiple times throughout their life.
Personally, I’m a crier. I cry, and I cry a lot.
If I see my Dad cry, you might as well stick a fork in me, because I can’t handle it. I come from a long lineage of people who cry. The emotions are strong in this family and almost all of us wear our hearts on our sleeve. I don’t think it’s completely hereditary, I think it’s the way we are raised.
Right now, my Grandfather is in his final days and I’m crying.... a lot. I’d come up with a mixture of reasons, if I tried to determine why. Seeing him in this form isn’t what’s breaking my heart, knowing that he’s miserable it’s what’s crushing me. He’s a piddler, if that’s even a word. He doesn’t sit down much, he constantly had his hands in something. Wether it was refinishing furniture, doing the dishes, wiping the counter, messing around in the garage, he didn’t sit down for long. We could always get him to sit down for a chat, he wouldn’t move a muscle and was always attentive to every need.
He was always serving. If we wanted a cookie, he brought a cookie and milk. If we needed a hug, we got a hug and a kiss and there was always an extra “I love you” to go with it. Even today, he had my hand and held it tight. He looked me straight in the face and said, “I love you honey.”. I’ll never EVER question his love for us, because he was constantly telling us and he was constantly showing us.
My Grandfather is a person that I hope to be like. I want to love too much. I want to do too much. I want to make sure that no one ever wonders if I loved them or not. I want to take too many pictures, so we always have a small second of time paused for eternity. I want to laugh until I cry and cry until I laugh. I want to always be in the driveway, so that when you leave, you see me watching to make sure you’re safe. I want to be like my Paw Paw, because to him, too much was never enough. ❤️
Heaven is waiting for you Paw Paw.
It’s almost your turn.
Well done, good and faithful servant.
I hope you know how much I love you.
